The Wellness Community

The Wellness Community - Daniel's Day of Magic

“It seems fitting that we honor our friend’s memory with something fun. He wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Thank you all for coming this afternoon. We hope you enjoy it.”

Everyone did enjoy themselves, and almost every chair in the audience was filled. The Wellness Community Valley/Ventura’s Westlake office had transformed from a peaceful sanctuary to a lively, enchanting theater for this special event. To carry on the legacy of former Board Chairman, Daniel Jacoby, TWC held its first annual magic show, Daniel’s Day of Magic, on Sunday, March 13 – the first anniversary of Daniel’s death. A show for the community at large to raise funds for TWC is scheduled for September.

The magician, Barry Garapedian, met Daniel while serving on the Board at TWC and the two became good friends. When Daniel discovered Barry’s mysterious talent, he asked Barry to give him lessons. “Although Daniel was very successful in his adult life,” mentioned Barry, “he was just a big kid. We all have a kid inside of us, and I’m sure that’s why we all love magic.”

Barry began practicing magic at age six and is a member of The Magic Castle. The Magic Castle is the premiere magic venue on earth. Set in a Victorian mansion hovering over Hollywood, it serves as the private clubhouse for the Academy of Magical Arts. The members of this world-renowned fraternal organization devote themselves to the ancient art of magic’s advancement, promotion and preservation. Members can also sponsor commoners to attend dinner in their exquisite restaurant while being entertained by master magicians.

Events like Daniel’s Day of Magic give families and friends connected with TWC a joyful reason to come together, which is rare considering the harsh realities they frequently face while helping their loved one fight cancer. Watching Barry miraculously pick the right card or make one long piece of string from ten tiny bits draws their attention away from the pain in this life and directs them toward everything splendid and joyful.

Life is full of magic. We just have to see it that way. If we can’t see anything magical in the general vicinity, we ought to create some. When you or someone you love is facing the devastations of cancer, it’s often hard to keep this attitude. But, for seven years, Daniel carried on with the knowledge that an incurable tumor could and would cut short his life. As his mother, Janine Jacoby, said, “The cancer was a gift. He got up and did all the things he wanted to do. He went on an expedition to Antarctica and took those beautiful photographs – I don’t think he had ever held a camera before! He went scuba diving, sat with sharks, went bungee jumping…cancer changed his life.”

In the last two weeks of his life, Daniel also envisioned and founded Interfaith Inventions. This non-profit organization brings together leaders from the Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, and Christian communities to create interfaith youth camp programs. Last summer, eighteen Muslim, Christian and Jewish children from communities in Albuquerque, New Mexico, participated in the first Children of Abraham Interfaith Summer Camp. This summer, Interfaith Inventions will hold a similar retreat in Ojai. With these camps and retreats, Interfaith Inventions hopes to instill in children respect and understanding for people of all faiths.

During his life, Daniel instilled in many people a sense of joy and appreciation for living. After the magic show, his mother told friends, “Because of him, I appreciate all the beauty in this world. Every time a tree blossoms, it’s glorious, and it’s better to spend our time enjoying that than wasting it watching the news or complaining about things. He kept telling us, ‘Love the people you are with, make sure the people you are with love you, do good works, and remember that I’ll be watching you.’ He’s probably watching us right now – laughing. We did a lot of laughing and a lot of crying. We prefer the laughing.”

The Wellness Community - Kid's Circle

“Does anyone know what a talking stick is used for?”

"When you’re in a group of people and you’re holding the stick, you get to talk and everyone else has to listen.”

“That’s right. We’re going to make talking sticks today. Everyone gets to chose a stick, and we’ve got lots of things to decorate them with – beads, flowers, feathers, leather straps, jewelry, bells. This was originally an American Indian tradition, and adopted it. Maybe you can use your talking stick with your family, so you can talk about your feelings at home.”

The Kid’s Circle facilitators, Joyce, Peggy, and Sharon, encourage the children to talk about their feelings, to normalize the fact that humans at every age experience a rich range of emotion. In my opinion, we all need this kind of encouragement. It’s hard for most of us to talk about our feelings because we were and are discouraged when we express how we feel. We’ve created a difficult situation for ourselves. We are uncomfortable with and unaccustomed to our emotions, yet they tug and pull on our daily lives. And although we can’t see or touch emotions and regularly deny their existence, we know they are real. Joyce, Peggy and Sharon have found an effective way to confirm the importance and reality of emotions: communication with other humans through conversation, action, creation and art.

So, they made talking sticks one rainy afternoon at Kid’s Circle. Some of the parents came to help their children decorate their sticks. One of the fathers said to his sons, “My favorite part is the bell. When it rings, everyone knows to listen. And, I like the fact that we made it together.”

Cancer is a devastating illness, a heavy burden, a drain on those diagnosed and their loved ones. But, cancer is also a gift. When you’re given a time limit on your life, you hold every hour of every day and night as a perfect, precious miracle. You make sure the people you love know it, and you realize the moments that matter are the small ones – small, innocent gestures like making a talking stick with your sons. Of course, there is struggle. One of the boys hasn’t been coming to Kid’s Circle because his father is getting ready to die. The facilitators struggle with what to say to the children about how families cope with sadness, grief and death. They struggle to discuss these serious, profound issues in ways that are appropriate for children of all ages. They struggle to let the little ones just be and have their own experiences without any projection or judgment from adults.

Kid’s Circle used to be a very structured, educational four-week program, but the facilitators realized that something was missing. The children weren’t having any fun. Childhood should be a time of enjoyment, magic and imagination. Just because these children have to face the difficulties of having a parent or grandparent fight cancer doesn’t mean they can’t have a bit of joy in their lives. I saw a spark of this joy when one little boy stood on his chair to tell everyone about his talking stick, “I made it all by myself! I’m gonna tap people on the head with it, sleep with it, and when I stick it up in people’s faces, it means, ‘QUIET! I’M TALKING!”